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Monday, 11 May 2009

  • the remaining 2 weeks

    I have 2 more weeks left in my summer vacation!! and i haven't accomplished anything yet for myself. and i shall start tomorrow! well wait,i have accomplished by finally being a gym member! after years of nagging my parents about it.

    so tomorrow and for the coming weeks, i hope to accomplish these things:
    1. drive!! (tomorrow shall be the starting day)
    2. clean my closet! take away clothes that i will not wear anymore and make room for new clothes!
    3. clean closet again... this time shoes... okay basta clean and fix my room in one day! that would be a very tiring day!!
    4. fix stuff at the study room. haven't fixed my last term's stuff yet, it's still all over the place!
    5. go out with friends! catch up with hs friends! a must. must make time. argh the meetings...:( sorry but the meetings are just so sudden. hay okay i should be more responsible and mature now.. pfft. and messages are flooding my inbox.. i am so impatient nowadays... argh
    6. print digital pictures and put it into a photo album!
    7. paint!!
    8. remember to always wear my retainers hahaha ka-te i will!!!
    9. watch a series! any series! (boys over flowers, ugly betty, how i met)

    hmm looks like i need on more month of vacation for these!

Monday, 30 March 2009

  • I'm finally done reading all the fiction stories my classmates wrote in Creative Writing class. read 3 stories and it was never ending! i read one story with 17 pages! and it was oh so boring. definitely a waste of time. wish i could write that on my critique paper but that would just be too mean. this batch of stories is definitely tiring! this creative writing class is not doing me any good. i still write as hell. shet. ano kaya final grade ko dito. fadge.

    i wanted to blog here for so long already, but i just can't put together what i really want to say. so many things going on in my mind right now.

    first, i always daydream about so many things, waiting for them to come true. when it hits reality, i hold on it too much until the next minute, it's already gone. it all came too fast and i didn't even get to feel it. it was just like a dream, it all happened so fast, and nothing really happened. it was just like a dream, it will never come back.

    second, where is my prince charming. i'm already 21 and not even a fake prince charming came. :(

    third, next year is a big thing.. pressure pressure pressure. excited or not? i don't know.. i still have a year to think and prepare for it.

    fourth. i need to talk to someone about these things. booo everything's just so stressful that i can't have quality time with my friends anymore. it's just pure sabawness and work.

    fifth. maybe i should start my facebook. which i promised to be only making during the summer. but hey, i haven't broken my promise yet. maya laos na yun pagdating ng summer. may bago na ulit. ha ha (well look at this, meron silang 'publish this entry to your facebook profile', laos na ako ngayon palang.)

    sixth. masaya manlandi ng tao eh. malandi na kung malandi. pero masaya eh harhar but then have to stop and then go again harhar pero hindi ako malandi ah.

Sunday, 08 March 2009

  • hey, you know the feeling of wanting to be loved? the feeling of being special, that you are cared and loved for. that people are willing to sacrifice a lot for you just to make you happy? i am in that state right now. or i think i am always in that state. i envy those people who are loved. who are loved by many people. she doesn't do anything, but she just be herself, and hundreds of people are lining up already in front of her, some even too shy to line up and just stare at her from the distance. but it doesn't matter how far or near the people are to her, because their love and admiration can still be felt from afar. like she is the queen of the world. yes, every girl would love that feeling, or would wish to be treated like that.

    sometimes, i always think why i always have such beautiful friends that standing next to them makes me feel more insecure about myself. the more i get envious and start to think bad things about my friends even though i love them so much. i'd sacrifice to make them happy. even though i know they are already happy and i am already envious, i'd still make them happy. why. why. well yes because deep inside i am happy for my friends too. but those situations just make me realize how unlucky or how sad my life is. i get to compare my life with them and look down on myself more and more. sometimes, i would think why i don't get those kind of love and affection as those of my friends. don't i deserve them? am i not a good person? or am i just too insensitive to notice and i focus too much on other people rather than my own life.

    and i feel bad for thinking of these things.
    i need more happiness in my life. :(



Thursday, 19 February 2009

  • unhappy

    ka-te:

    i am probably the wrong person to come to right now when you're about to share some good news. all i'm gonna do is stare at you blankly and hate you for being so happy. i abhore the fact that in my life, there's always this constant struggle to be happy... for myself, for the people i care about... parang parati nalang kung hindi ako naiinis sa sarili kong kamalasan, bitter naman ako dahil lahat ng tao masaya maliban sa akin. wow maliban, deep word. pero totoo.

    i scrutinize every single thing about myself, i compare every detail of myself to others... i can never just be satisfied with what i have, who i have, how much i have and so on...

    i wonder... if this is the reason why i look so old compared to everyone else around me. (im sometimes being mistaken as a young mom or my eldest sister, who mind you is 12 years my senior. not only that, sometimes my brother is mistaken to be younger or at least of the same age as me... and he is 8 years older than me.) i wonder if my frown-wearing-face is the one that gives this oldER vibe to other people... but anyways, im going out of topic here...

    see, even when im ranting about my incessant displeasure with life, i am able to insert a line or two about my insecurities... thats how unhappy i am. and thats how much my insecurities are killing every inch of my self-esteem, if there is even any of it to begin with.

    please... take me out of this misery... im not asking for someone to kill me or to end my life... just make me happy! its the only thing i want right now. oh, and for kyle (the phone that i love even more than  myself) to go back to the way he was 4 days ago. please. please. please.

    PLEASE!

Thursday, 11 December 2008

  • Warming Up

    so before i start to fall asleep... and before i study for my finals tom and before i do my final paper. let me blog first! kasi aayaw ko lang mag-aral at gumawa ng homework. and for sure i'll regret this. so ahmmm..... i'm excited for finals to end!! tomorrow is my last day whooo and i'm a free woman! hoot hoot! yebah! christmas vacation here i come! so many plans for this vacation and i'm sure not one on my list would be even fulfilled or done. so it's just hello bed to me and hello tv and hello laptop! the bomb! the bum! and i keep on complaining that i am so fat already, and i gained 5 pounds! oh my oh my.... that will still add up this coming christmas vacation! nonononono! i want to FEEL christmas! i want so sing christmas carols! i want to give gifts!! and speaking of gifts....i haven't done my christmas shopping yet! oh noess, hopefully i'll have time to shop next week! my vacation is planned already!

    1. assistant director for institutioanl christmas celebration (yebah AD na! first time!)
    2. get student's license and actually LEARN how to drive. (yeah like this has been in my to-do-list since last last yr)
    3. exercise bebeh! hiphop abs!!!
    4. read twilight:? <--nah not a priority
    5. fix my stuff inside the study room!! <-- the only thing i always accomplish
    6. watch pirates trilogy!
    7. watch ugly betty series
    8. gmg christmas partey
    9. christmas shopping!
    10. clean the files in my laptop and make spaceee
    11. play computer games hihihi
    12. watch movies!!!

    There! i'm a little warmed up now.. i can now do my final paper for the most-walang-kwenta-subject-ever-i-dont-even-know-why-they-created-that subject. just to get more of our money.



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